Acceptance
by Autistic Goldfish
Summary: The original plan was to tie him to Tar Valon, make him a puppet of Aes Sedai. The second was to guide him, nudge him along the path he needed to take. The final was to educated him as best she possibly could and watch as he grew, hoping for the best.


**Disclaimer: I do not own or have any association with the Wheel of Time series. This is fanwork and I do not profit from this.**

Moiraine had never felt so helpless in her entire life. She had felt touches of fear, touches of worry, touches of frustration, since first meeting Rand Al'Thor, and once she very well thought she felt helpless, but that paled in comparison to this.

The plans she made with Siuan flew out the window. They didn't matter. They never had mattered. If anything, it just gave them some vain feeling of control before reality hit. The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills, but she had never thought it could be so cruel.

Her work made up what she was. It was every fiber of her being. Her fate. Finding the Dragon Reborn and seeing he saved the world as Prophecies foretold-that was her duty, destiny, and, ultimately, her death.

But it was never about her, was it? It wasn't about what she believed would happen, what she tried to make happen, what she failed in making happen. It was about Rand Al'Thor, Lews Therin Telamon, the Dragon. It was about the Dark One, the Forsaken, Shayol Gul. It was about Tarmon Gai'don, the Last Battle, the Breaking of the World.

It was about Light and Shadow.

But never about her.

Siuan had told her she was arrogant, arrogant down to the marrow of the bones, pride so deeply embedded in her that she was blind to it. Lan had thought her oath to Rand might teach her humility, but even that seemed to not make a dent in the high self-image she held. She had foolishly thought that she would last longer than this, do more than this.

But the truth was the truth. She calmed herself before dipping her pen into ink and slowly writing out the letter.

At first she thought that it would be as the Tower always thought it would be. That she, and Siuan, and maybe other Aes Sedai, but especially _she_, would have control over the Dragon Reborn. He would be a puppet on Tar Valon strings, and dance the way the world needed him to.

It was like wrestling a bear, constant war, constant frustration.

She relaxed her hold some. She would guide him, nudge him in the right direction, and only try to control again if things went terribly wrong.

It was like telling a mountain to crumble, or the ocean to still.

There was nothing left to do but tell him what she could. Make sure that, if nothing else, he was educated, knew what he was doing. She had no control. She never had control. She never would have control.

And just like that, he started dancing before her eyes. He put nations behind him, destroyed Forsaken before him, called lightning from the sky above and earthquakes from the ground below. And she was at his side.

Maybe he had always danced, even with her wrestling that leash around his neck. Maybe he only took to the music of fate when she backed away. But that changed nothing, now.

She signed her name swiftly, and read through what she had written. It would suffice.

The glow of saidar filled her, and wards wrapped around the paper and its envelope. Maybe he would cry at her passing. Maybe he would delight in his newfound freedom.

But she would do what she had to. There was absolutely nothing further she could do for him than what was going to transpire the next morning. She could only pray it was enough.

She blew the candle at her desk out and crawled into her bed.

There was nothing she could further do to help him. He had learned what she had to teach him. Oh, there were countless things he still didn't know, but what knowledge he contained now would hopefully be enough.

And she... Her fate was unfairly short, but she had no choice.

It was a good life she had, by any means. Or, well, maybe not good, but... It did its part for the Pattern. She achieved everything she could while it was within her reach, but not what she had thought she wanted.

She thought she wanted to control the Dragon Reborn.

Now she knew that her life's gift was to be able to see him dance. To see him succeed.

While she still felt helpless, still felt a fool for believing her life would last longer, she knew that it was what had to be done.

Maybe he would forgive her.

* * *

A/N: OKAY, so I just finished the 5th book, Fires of Heaven, and so I figure there'll probably be a lot more explanation for what happened with Moiraine later on, like when and where she wrote the letter, but this is what I figured she felt when writing her letter to Rand the night before the whole Lanfear incident, if that's when she wrote it.. I think she probably knew her death would be nearby by way back when she was talking with Lan, being jealous about Nynaeve and was nearly killed by a Draghkar, and it was pretty much confirmed that she knew exactly what was going to happen after the whole Rhuidean thing.

I feel as if she'd feel a bit slighted by her fate, that she wished she could last longer, to teach more and be there more, but that she would accept what was bound to happen.

I think that she's fond of Rand, in a non-romantic way, and that watching him become what he needed to be was probably the most fulfilling part of her life, as she pretty much dedicated it to finding him and ensuring he was ready for Tarmon Gai'don.

Um... So yeah. Sorry for any mistakes, this was self-beta'd and done late at night while I was sick and had the stuffiest nose in the history of stuffy noses.

Let me know what you liked and disliked about the story in reviews! Whatever advice or criticism you can give to help make me a better writer will be gladly accepted.


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